Let me start by saying that I love ESPN. I’ve been an addict since way back, back, back, back, back when Chris Berman could still see his toes. Since before ESPN 2 and ESPN 3 and Deportes. Since before Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser started yelling at each other, and before Keith Olbermann became such a ginormous a-hole. My first words were “DaDaDa. DaDaDa.”

However…

I was pickin’ up an ice cold sixer of Old Style today, and while scanning the mags at the check out line (Hey, did you know the bitter marriage between Barack Obama and his wife Michelle continues to fall apart in the wake of the president’s womanizing?) when ESPN The Magazine’s cover grabbed my disbelieving eyeballs like a Fabricio Werdum guillotine.

There’s football on the cover! FOOTBALL!

I got a Prince Fielder sized problem with that, pal. First, there is the obvious fact that baseball kicks football’s ass. Second, it ain’t football season. It’s baseball season and hockey season and basketball season, but not football season. Third, and by far the one that’s stuck the furthest into the nether regions of my craw (whatever that is), is that the one team in sports history — not just baseball, but all sports — that has had the biggest, longest, ugliest, most painful dry spell known to man — the friggin’ Chicago Cubs — are on an 8-1 tear; one of the best starts in franchise history. They’re averaging over seven runs a game. Yeah, you read that right. And…AND…according to the Elias Sports Bureau, only two teams in the modern era have had a better run differential than the Cubs through nine games — the 1905 Giants and 1999 Indians. Both were plus-44. The Cubs are plus-43 through nine. And this doesn’t warrant an ESPN The Magazine cover? Really?

I realize it’s a long season, and we’re only heading into the third week. A lot can happen, I know. But it’s been a lot of nothing happening for over a hundred years, for the Cubs. So how is it that when the perennial door mat of the National League comes outta the gate like the friggin’ Tasmanian Devil, we get no nod from ESPN? You call that journalism? I call it pinheadism, my friend. I don’t give a crap that the NFL draft is around the corner. It happens every stinkin’ year. Like clock work. The Cubs going 8-1 outta the first 9? That hasn’t happened since Neil Armstrong made footprints on the moon. You wanna see a giant leap for mankind? Wait and see what happens if my Cubbies win the Series, my friend.

Hey, ESPN The Magazine…Bite me.

Joe