Wow. If I didn’t know that I’m waaaaaaaaaaaay better looking than Goose “f–king” Gossage, I’d think this was ME spewing all the venom in this article. Or maybe Donald Trump.

Honestly (and is there any other way to be?) I’ve gotta agree with the Goose on some of this stuff. Baseball is turning into some sort of namby-pamby, cotton candy sucking stage for guys who act like hitting a home run (read: doing their job) is the same as curing cancer. I can’t imagine what my boss would do if I stood back and admired every package of hot links I loaded on a palette. Well, actually, I can. He’d fire my bat-flipping ass. Anyway, Goose is right; MLB is trying to morph baseball into football (or an equally wimpy facsimile thereof). I mean we’ve got a clock, we’ve got new rules for sliding at 2nd … Won’t be long before runners get to advance one base cuz “Hey, I don’t like the way that pitcher looked at me!” Friggin’ pathetic.

That’s not what’s chapping my backside, though. What’s rubbing me like the matted fur on a mangy dog is Bryce Harper’s take on “the excitement of the young guys who are coming into the game.” Harper tries to make the point that baseball used to be boring (wrong!) but guys like Matt Harvey, Manny Machado, Joc Pederson, McCutchen and Puig are bring ‘flair’ to the game. Ok, first of all, two of those guys are Mets. That’s a problem already. (To channel the Goose for a moment here, what is a f–king Met, anyway?) Second, is there a single Cubs player on Harper’s list? Does he mention Bryant or Fowler? How about Rizzo? What about Jorge Solar? And what the F about Kyle “My Real Name Is Babe Ruth” Schwarber?! I mean seriously?!